Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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