haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
