just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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