Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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