you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
