she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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