Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
