There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
