it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
