You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
