please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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