Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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