I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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