You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
