Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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