So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
