Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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