So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
