I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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