No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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