i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
