You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
