There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had to coat check the pizza.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
