You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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