MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
