I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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