I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found puke in my bra..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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