hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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