and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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