I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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