I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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