i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
