somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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