So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
