You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
