I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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