Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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