who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
