At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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