It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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