she woke up with a sticky ear
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
