I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
