so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
