Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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