I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
