I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
