Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
