hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
