Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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