I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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