dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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