I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
