But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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