there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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