I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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