chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize