His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
