What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
