I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
