May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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