Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize