mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
