i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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