We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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