I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
